Satire

Fairies All Over the World are Now Looking for Part-Time Work

S&P 500 Shows a 10% Decrease in the Value of a Lost Tooth

February 21, 2019, according to the just-released Original Tooth Fairy Poll®, sponsored by Delta Dental, the Tooth Fairy’s average cash gift declined to $3.70 for a lost tooth. A whopping ten percent decline from last year. Apparently, over the same period, the S&P 500 also saw a decline and decreased by 3 percent.

We haven’t made it to the climatic event off strikes, picket lines and Government bail-out demands yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see your local tooth fairy in the Unemployment line or looking for part-time work.

At the very least, a smart child would hold on to those lost and homeless teeth of theirs till the economy trends upwards.

It appears through the data collected that the very “first tooth” still impresses the tooth fairy and brings in more doe! The monumental first tooth rakes in a whole $1.26 more than the average take-home of $3.70. So while the going rate of the first tooth at $4.96, your every run of the day chomper is only sitting at $3.70 as opposed to last years prices of $4.13.

Of course, with everything else location, location, location makes a difference! Seems the West is bringing in more while the midwest just seems to disgrace the tooth by throwing chump change at it.

 

With just a little digging on the interwebs you can clearly tell that the fairies are feeling the hit!

Even the children are noticing the hit at the pillow! @thetoothfairyie on IG dropped this sad note. #deprivedchildren

“P.S You won’t have to visit anymore.”
The children have been left to outweigh the pros and cons for the fairy themselves!

Now we got an anonymous DM from a fairy stating that the demands of the job have actually increased which is why the amounts the children have seen have been less. She said that they have had to maneuver through messy rooms, and have suffered injuries from dodging loose pets on top of having to actually search for the tooth itself.

I don’t know, is this a problem or not? What is your take on the situation? We would love to have your feedback. I’m quite happy with our local tooth fairy and her single dollar bill bounty per tooth! What say you?