Everyone Has an Opinion
There are all sorts of issues that polarize human beings. For example, you may have different opinions regarding religion or politics than your neighbors. Still, there is an expectation that these differing opinions don’t necessarily lead to any hostility or confrontation. Technology has also changed how we talk to each other since social media allows us to have conversations with people that we never actually met in real life.
Hundreds of millions of people use social media every day, and they all might have very different opinions and perspectives. Some people might not truly understand how to discuss and talk through these different opinions in a civil manner. Abortion, for example, is a polarizing topic that could lead to a hostile discussion. Here are some tips on how to disagree with other people while remaining calm and rational.
Think About Timing
There are some situations where it just isn’t time to discuss a controversial topic. For example, let’s say that you disagree with your friend about politics. You may have wanted to plan a conversation with them regarding different opinions on a specific topic and plan to bring it up.
Of course, if it is that person’s birthday and they are celebrating at a bar with other friends, this would be a terrible time to bring up politics at all. People should make sure that they talk through differing opinions in a more comfortable atmosphere of some kind. If you are alone at your house and invite your friend over, it might make more sense to speak more freely about different opinions in that setting.
Look for Agreements
It is very unlikely that you will run into someone that simply disagrees with everything that you think. One of the best ways to talk about differing opinions is to find common ground and start the conversation from there. This could potentially change the entire tone of the interaction, as your conversation partner might be able to see things from your perspective easier.
Think about points that you might be willing to concede or reconsider and speak about how they might be right about certain parts of an issue. No one wants to feel like they are being tricked or persuaded into a debate, because that can be quite uncomfortable. However, they might be more willing to talk if they understand that you don’t disagree with them on everything. For example, phrases like, “Can we agree that people deserve safety?” or “Can we agree that someone’s healthcare is their private business?” are helpful in finding common ground.
Listen More
Let’s say that you want to speak with an old friend about a topic that you know that you feel strongly about. You might bring up the topic and make it clear that you want to speak about it. At this point, they might agree that it is an excellent time to speak about the topic. What if you just rambled on for the next five minutes about how that friend is wrong for their opinion? That wouldn’t be conducive to a conversation.
If you put yourself in their shoes, it’s easy to see how you might feel as though you are being attacked. One of the best ways to speak through differing opinions is to listen more. Individuals should clarify that they actively want to know what your conversation partner is thinking and that their perspective is valued. To continue listening, try paraphrasing back their ideas or asking something like, “By saying [X], are you meaning [Y]?” and you can learn more about where they’re coming from.
Don’t Say “But”
You might be very passionate about your opinion, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, you shouldn’t be interrupting the other person in the conversation because you are burning to counter their point. If you find that you keep telling that person, “But–”, it might be a sign that you are listening only to talk, rather than actively listening to your conversation partner.
If you are not even giving the other person room to speak, they might feel as though it is useless to elaborate on their position. You will probably find that if you let the other person in the conversation speak, they might feel like it’s easier to talk to you.
Being a good listener and exploring common grounds is a good way of engaging Productively and sharing differing opinions. Thanks for sharing.
While it’s important to put forth one’s view, an argument never really has any winner. I agree with you, listening is very important, something that we often forget to do. It is an art we need to master.
I think it’s important that we think and believe in different things, or what a boring place it would be. A debate can be good and seeing other peoples point of view, as long as it doesn’t turn into an argument.
Great list you got here! I should really stop saying ‘but’ when having a heated argument with my partner. And should start listening more. 🙂
These are some great points. Honestly, I think most people talk too much and forget about listening altogether – ‘listening’ only as much as they have to in order to know when they can speak next, forcing their way into the spotlight. That’s not really listening… It fails to respect the person that you’re talking with. Whether you share the same opinions or not, you should still show basic respect.
I love how you emphasized the aspect of listening. I find that it’s easy for us to give our opinions without giving enough time for others to speak up. It’s important that we ask the right questions to find common ground and better engage with the other person. This also reminded me of a Bible verse which says to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.” in James 1:19. ? Thanks for sharing!